Incomparable: The Bella Twins

A couple of years ago, I stumbled upon a show called “Total Bellas.”  It was a show premised around identical twin sisters Nikki and Brie Bella and their lives both inside and outside the wrestling ring.  I had never been into wrestling despite growing up with two brothers who loved it religiously and I’m still not so much, but I was captivated by the story behind the scenes- both in the locker room and outside of it.  In particular, that meant watching how these two powerhouses led the charge on changing the culture of WWE as well as become powerful entrepreneurs outside the ring.  I’ve continued to follow their journey onto “Total Bellas,” Nicole on Dancing with the Stars, their foray into the creation of a women empowerment line Birdie Bee and of course their wine lines (I finally snagged 2 bottles of their Rose before it sold out again).  Diving into their memoir, I thought I knew the whole story but the cameras can only capture so much.  Their memoir is honest, raw, and filled with anecdotes that unmask how emotionally, spiritually, and brave these sisters are.  Incomparable feels like a journey of self-discovery, and one in which women in particular will likely relate to. 

Empowerment

Too often women get bogged down by the perception of how society wants them to act or look.  If you are a size 0 you are too thin, if you are a size 10 you are too fat, if you speak your mind you are a bitch.  Name-calling, competitiveness and judgement happen in all aspects of life and it certainly happened at WWE but both Bellas navigated that terrain and came out of it stronger.  I certainly stand in solidarity with Nicole as she writes, “As women, we too often feel threatened by other women.  We should celebrate what they achieve as a testament of what we can achieve too” (p. xi). 

Brie mentions how at WWE, it wasn’t always your time to shine, that you had to step aside to let others have their moment.  Back when male wrestlers were labeled Superstars, and female wrestlers only as Divas, this perspective had yet to be realized.  While female wrestlers may not be 100% on equal footing with their male counterparts today, there is no denying the impact the Bella twins had on narrowing the gender divide.

Confidence

Confidence is about knowing your self-worth and not caring about those who judge.  As Nicole writes on page 212, “I love myself, I respect myself, I am sexual, and I am strong—I can kick anyone’s ass.  But I would rather do it in Christian Louboutin heels and a bondage dress.”

Motherhood

When Birdie Bee was launched, Brie made it a point to not be photo shopped when photographing their lingerie line.  She admits that her body had changed after the birth of Birdie, and despite being an athlete, losing weight was hard.  She easily could have turned down her big comeback or crash dieted but wanted to set an example for Birdie.  She in turn set an example for girls and women everywhere. 

As Brie reflects on Birdie’s birth, she recounts how it was the first time in her life where she was powerless. Despite her and her husband’s best efforts, planning the perfect birth did not pan out but it was when she relinquished control that she realized that was how it was meant to be.  “By all means, shoot for the stars and declare the birth story of your dreams, but think of it instead as like a birth wish instead of a birth plan. There is no shame if it doesn’t work out, and no shame in needing help” (p. 216).

Women today wear many hats, and should not feel embarrassed or undeserving of taking time for their self either!  Brie says it best, “Sometimes at the end of a crazy day, when I know I should work out, I choose to pour myself a glass of wine instead.  There are days when you need to say screw the gym in favor of some Cabernet—embrace them!” (p. 223).

#MeToo

As a woman, I have often viewed power in a negative connotation.  However, as a cultural shift has begun especially with the #MeToo movement, that view is also shifting.  I was shocked to learn that Nicole was a victim of sexual assault twice in her life.  By sharing her story, hopefully others will find solace in knowing that despite that trauma, she has learned to use her voice.  She writes, “Being a woman, and owning our femininity, is an incredible source of power.  Being a woman means you have the ability to enthrall, the ability to hold, the ability to create.  And so much more” (p. 213).

Heartbreak

When Brie reflects on her first true love Bear, who died in a tragic car accident, the reader sees her vulnerable side while also remembering what it is like to be young and in love.  She writes, “We had a profound connection, like we had known each other forever.” (p. 59).  When he passed she writes, “Feeling ‘normal’ again was a terrifying idea.  I didn’t want a new normal without Bear” (p. 65).  But she did find a new normal.  Considering that is a word that gets tossed out a lot given the current climate of the world, Brie found a way to incorporate her past with her present, taking signs from Bear throughout her life, pushing her forward to fall in love again and achieve her dreams.  My favorite stories include when she went to see a psychic who knew things that only she and Bear shared such as the way he stroked her earlobes.  The hairs on my neck stood up.  Or when she went to a bookstore and was looking through a book on bears, and a feather flew out of it.  It is ok to hold onto these memories and take them with you.  When she speaks of her husband Bryan, he just gets it, “He can hold all of me, even the parts that will be a little broken…He understands that my heart is fully his—but that there’s room in there to celebrate Bear” (p. 74).    

Love

Only one chapter was reserved for John Cena.  At first glance, this seemed odd given Nicole and John were in a relationship for 8 years, even getting engaged at one point.  Nicole mentions how viewers got to see their relationship play out on tv in real time, and from what I remember John was a very private person so this makes sense.  However, as I dive into Chapter 9 and Nicole notes she had “many regrets about that relationship” (p. 199), it is clear that there are wounds there that she had to work through to get to where she is today- wounds that are private and don’t necessarily need to be shared with the whole world.

I suspect much of this book was also written prior to Nicole’s relationship with Artem, her now fiancé, and the soon-to-be-birth of her son.  That is a chapter that has yet to be written, and is a love story all its own.  I am looking forward to that chapter knowing that motherhood was always in the cards for Nicole.

Additionally, watching Brie reconnect with Bryan in this past season of Total Bellas and finding out that baby number two was on the way at the same time as her twin sister- that’s another chapter that has yet to be written. 

Some chapters were harder to read then others, such as hearing about the physical abuse suffered at the hands of their father, or how they found their mother sobbing when she learned of his infidelity.  It is easy to assume sometimes that those in the spotlight have everything they have ever wanted and never once suffered any sort of pain, but that is simply not true.  I found that Nicole and Brie shared their stories in a way that made me appreciate them even more.  Nicole sums it up best:  “It isn’t surprising that a lot of people assume Brie and I are in the wrestling game because we want to be famous; but we’re actually in this because we want to be successful…we wanted to change the world” (p. 231).